WORD!

here are some verbs that do love thru 'me'...

breastfeeding
cooking
listening
waiting
cleaning
loving what is
driving
working
witnessing
sex
playing
allowing
appreciating
speaking up
changing nappies
following
loosening my grip
breathing
shutting up
leading
staying pliable
being present
letting things slide
pole dancing (a girl's gotta stay in shape)

Delusion

:D
Question doesn't make sense.

I Be the See.
I See the Be.

The Change is Changeless.
Where's the Wanting?

What doesn't burn?

The older I get the more I come to see that it's not hearts that get broken.

In my experience it's attachment in all it's many millions of dazzling forms that
breaks apart and shatters.

Notions of how things will be, could be, should be, might be, get broken.

Concepts, however tried and true they appear, get broken.

Beliefs,especially the ones that define and inflate us, get broken.

Desires, and all things that move us out of the present and into an imaginary future... broken, broken, broken!

These things were built to break.  Not hearts.

I think Steve Forbert says it beautifully...

It Isn't Gonna Be That Way.

(Listen to it - you'll be glad you did!)

I subscribed fully and without reservation to my false selfhood, magical thinking, and narcissism, mistaking the two-dimensional roles I played for who and what I really am.

Wait.  I still do that.
We all do.

Thankfully, I always feel out of control.
One certain way to induce a cringe is to recall the decades I spent attached to the illusion that I was in control. an illusion created and perpetuated by a culture of children in big bodies pretending to be grown ups.

Beyond this illusion is the reality of flow and obstruction. It's popular to think that these things can also be controlled by the separate self.

In my experience, flow cannot be controlled, only impeded.

Noticing this has been such a huge relief!

What appears now is all there is, and even this is already gone.
Why impose limints on reality?
Why chase after anything that isn't everlasting?

I keep getting email from people who are reading or who've read the Jed McKenna books.  Mostly people want to talk about the smashing out of your life stuff. People seem to intuit it's necassarry, but when it comes to the actual process it can be very daunting to say the least. A common theme I'm hearing is, "oh my God, what am I going to do," "I can't just walk away from ______," etc.  People are concerned about the possible carnage - the collateral damage that seems unavoidable.
Most people won't have to contend with this right away though because most people will likely go back to sleep before they can formulate a plan of action.
After the books are read and we get even the tiniest bit of distance it's oh so easy to slip back into inertia - in fact it's nearly impossible not to.

I think this Gurdjeff quote says it well:

"As soon as man awakens for a moment and opens his
eyes, all the forces that caused him to fall asleep begin to
act upon him with tenfold energy and he immediately
falls asleep again, very often dreaming that he is awake
or is awakening."

But things are not likely to be easy ever again.  There will not be a peaceful slumber because the net effect of these books seems to be to heighten one's experience of Spritual Dissonance. It could take awhile, but the grating doesn't go away.

For me, it helps to be very clear about why exactly the smashing out is needed.

It's needed because the transition to Human Adulthood didn't/doesn't happen when it's designed to do so. (see below)

As a developmental junkie this fact has haunted me all my 'adult' life.

It's enough to keep me alert and out of those warm dark holes.

 
Human Adulthood & Human Childhood
(Integrated State & Segregated State)

"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you
it's going to be a butterfly."
~R. Buckminster Fuller

Human Childhood is the ego-bound state.  It is, in human children, a healthy and natural state.  In human adults, however, it's a hideous affliction.  The only way such an affliction could go undetected and unremedied is if everyone were equally afflicted, which is exactly the case.  No problem is recognized and no alternative is known, so no solution is sought, and no hope for change exists.

We live our entire lives under false pretenses, in a case of mistaken identity.  We subscribe fully and without reservation to our false selfhood, mistaking these two-dimensional roles we play for who and what we really are.  In fact, we should be discarding these juvenille disguises in our early teens and embarking on life journeys of such superiority that, by contrast, the ego-bound life is no life at all.


Most human beings cease to develop at around the age of ten or twelve.  The average seventy year-old is often a ten year old with sixty years time-in-grade.  Our societies are of, by, and for Human Children, which explains the self-perpetuating nature of this goulish malady, as well as most of the silliness we see in the world.

The Human Child who has spent years at the same developmental stage understands growth as a process of solidification; of slow hardening into a rigid mass.  In our world of Human Children, this mortification of the spirit is considered normal, healthy and respectable.

If we gaugue societies in light of the developmental maturity of their citizens, we see very little difference, even between extremes.  One society may be on average, slightly further along than another, but the  reality is that no society has advanced beyondthe the stage where girls play dress-up and boys torture frogs.  If we lived in a society conducive to healthy, normal development, everyone would outgrow childhood in the personality structure at the sametime we outgrow it in the physical structure, but there is no such society, and no reason to think there ever will be.  We are trapped in a state of self-aware simian consciousness.  That is the human condition.

For a person to transition into Human Adulthood at an appropriate developmental age would require an actual rite of passage, rather than a merely symbolic ceremony as is sometimes observed, but it would take much more than that.  It would require a society of Human Adults in which to occur, so it won't.  That's the bad news.  For a a person to transition into Human Adulthood at an inappropriate developmental age, however, can and does occur.  That's the good news. The individual who wants to achieve change and growth in his own life, who wants to move beyond the state of developmental retardation imposed by a developmentally retarded society, can probably do so.  There's no saying what's possible for whom, but I feel pretty confident in saying that anyone who can understand their captivity and desire their freedom would find it possible to bring about a dramatic change in their condition.


This is where the seeker must make the most rigorous and concerted effort.  If we don't get this, we don't get anything.  It's not enough to kind of get it.  We have to grok it, live it and breathe it, make it our own personal religion and become a fanatic about it.  We must learn to see the difference between a Human Adult and a Human Child as easily and unmistakenly as we see the difference between a sixty year-old and a six year-old.

This may sound weird, but your ego is smarter than you, way smarter, and if you don't recognize that and respect it, you stand very little chance against it.

I've seen many insightful books by very brainy men and women who were experts on the subject of ego transcendence but who, I could easily tell, had not transcended their own egos.  The spiritual/religious marketplace, which should be dedicated entirely to ministering to this all-imortant developmental advent is, in fact arrayed almost entirely against it.

Ego doesn't need to be killed  because it was never really alive.  You don't have to destroy the false self because it's not real, which is really the whole point.  It's just a charachter we play, and what needs to be killed is the part of us that identifies with the charachter.

from Spiritual Warfare

The oil in my Toyota Lucida.
Took me all day, 5 very manly neighbors, and 3 online forums to figure out the place you pour in the new oil is under the back passenger seat. !?!

Forget about changing perspectives, attitudes, minds, and all that lofty stuff.
Those all changed a million times in the time it took to get the damn oil pan out.